Volume 5 of the Coughing Bison Mix Tape Collection takes us back to elementary school, when life was simpler. Your toughest health scare was a scraped knee from crash landing your bike off a plywood ramp. You didn’t have heartbreak because the teacher made you give valentines to everyone. Your most depressing financial disaster involved saving up enough allowance money to buy a toy, only to find out it was out of stock (damn you Wal-Mart… I still want my Optimus Prime!).

Music was simpler for us back then, too. A song could have been about sex or murder or chopping your legs off, but we were oblivious. A song was just a song. We didn’t know and didn’t care what a song meant. We had no clue if the lead singer was snorting cocaine or hiding children in his basement. We just loved the music.

Today we go back to the 80’s for the newest mix tape, titled “Totally Rad Tapes.” If you missed any previous mix tapes, you can find them here:

Vol. 1 – I Just Want to Pump… You Up
Vol. 2 – The Songs of Fayette-Nam
Vol. 3 – The Radio in the Garage
Vol. 4 – All the Feels

“Kokomo” – Beach Boys
Every single time one of my friends had a birthday party at a skating rink, I requested this song. Every. Single. Time. I bought the “Cocktail” soundtrack just for this song. Never watched the movie; just wanted the tape.

“Iko Iko” – Belle Stars
I don’t care for Tom Cruise, but somehow I’m hooked on songs from his movies.

“My Prerogative” – Bobby Brown
This is one of those times where I block out a singer’s personal life and just try to enjoy their music.

“Unbelievable” – EMF
Some cereal company had a promotion where you could send off for a free cassette single (for you millennials, that’s a cassette tape with just one song on each side). I loved “Unbelievable,” I sent off for it, and I played that sucker over and over and over again.

“King of Wishful Thinking” – Go West
Richard Gere doesn’t know how to drive a Lotus.

“Crushin'” – Fat Boys
Is it just me or are the Fat Boys underrated?

“Wild, Wild West” – Escape Club
“Heading for the nineties” was a line that reference the future. Feel old yet?

“Power of Love” – Huey Lewis & the News
Honestly, I could have picked any Huey Lewis song for this slot. I like ’em all. I have heard the news about Huey Lewis and it is all good.

“Real American” – Hulk Hogan Theme Song
“WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE GREATEST ENTRANCE SONG OF ALL TIME FLEXES ITS 24-INCH PYTHONS ALL OVER YOU………. BROTHER!!!!!”

“Holiday Road” – Lindsey Buckingham
Is this a road trippin’ song or what? You can’t listen to “Holiday Road” without thinking of Clark Griswold. Side note: “National Lampoon’s Vacation” was the first time I heard swearing in a movie. I remember little innocent Michael sitting there, thinking, “Whoaaaaa…… they can do that?!?!?!?!”

“I Love You Period” – Dan Baird
Gotta love a song about a kid macking on his elementary school teacher.

“The Way You Make Me Feel” – Michael Jackson
This music video was intended to show Jackson as a flirt who picks up girls. In unrelated news, this is another one of those times where I block out a singer’s personal life and just try to enjoy their music.

“Red Red Wine” – UB40

“Walk the Dinosaur” – Was Not Was
What a lighthearted, catchy tune… imagine my surprise when I found out later that it’s about nuclear Armageddon.

“Don’t Worry, Be Happy” – Bobby McFerrin
Don’t worry, I can’t help but be happy when I hear this tune. My grandma absolutely loved this song and brought me along to the store one day to find the cassette when it came out. To this day, I hear this song and can picture my grandma listening to it on her little dual deck boombox.